Pizza: Our Love Through Thick and Thin

Pizza: Our Love Through Thick and Thin

“Pizza is a lot like sex. When it’s good, it’s really good. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.” – Unknown brilliant person

With National Cheese Pizza Day just around the corner, let’s take a look at everyone’s favorite food. (If it’s not yours, what’s wrong with you?) Eaten hot, cold, or room temperature, nothing beats bread, cheese, sauce, and toppings. Mankind has walked on the moon, but hasn’t surpassed the majesty of that simple combination.

We are spoiled for pizza choice in the U.S. Here’s a sampling of the tastiest types and where to find them, plus a word or two on poser pizzas that stretch the definition of the word “pizza” a little thin.

Dive Into the Deep End

If you like pizza that lives up to the word “pie,” Chicago’s famous deep-dish pizza is a must-have. Chicago serves something of an upside-down pizza, with sauce on top, plus any toppings, followed by cheese, then crust at the bottom. These can be a good two inches thick. Polish those knives and forks after ordering, and make sure your phone is fully charged, because greatness this size takes time to cook.

Runner up: New York Sicilian style, served in dense, spongy square slices. Mmm, good.

Thin Out

New York City is known for big, thin slices. You can just walk up to a pizzeria window and grab a few slices to go, though you’ll need a truck to take home a large pie. Many non-New Yorkers have no clue how to eat a slice of this pizza. Holding it at the edges of the crust, the way you might a slice from a major pizza chain, will result in it drooping over and dumping the cheese and toppings into your lap.

Always fold the slice in half lengthways, hold it from the crusty end, then eat starting from the pointy end. DO NOT use a knife and fork. Also, don’t be alarmed at that orange oil running down your hand — it’s perfectly normal and a sign you’re really in New York.

While this pizza is on the thin side, it’s not the thinnest. Continue reading for the skinny on that style.

Crack Me Up

St. Louis is the gateway to crispy cracker-thin pizza. Served round, but cut in squares — you can literally have a corner piece of a circular pie! — this city’s signature pizza features toppings, sauce, and cheese all the way to the edge. There is no outer crust ring, which on many pizzas provides a convenient and edible handle for each slice. It’s mighty tasty, though obviously not intended for “crust-aceans.”

Dip It Good

Colorado has its own claim to pizza fame. In Denver, the Mile-High City, you’ll sometimes find mile-high pizza with a large outer crust. The idea is to eat the cheesy, saucy part first, then dip the remaining crust in honey before polishing it off. It’s like getting dessert with every slice!

Fancy This

Many places nationwide serve “flatbreads,” a pretentious name for a pizza-like dish that is thin, typically square, and often covered with any number of things that don’t belong on a pizza. Chain restaurants featuring “eclectic” décor (i.e., junk on the walls) often add these to the menu to class up the joint. Ironically, fancy restaurants use the name “flatbread” because they think “pizza” is too lowbrow for their establishment. We are not fooled.

Stuff It

If you love toppings, they also come as fillings, because it can’t be a topping if it’s inside the pizza! Stuffed pizzas are popular nationwide. Often the ingredients are inside the pie itself, through sometimes the crust is filled with cheese. Word of warning: If it’s got crust on the top, they are trying to pass off a calzone or stromboli — both respectable dishes in their own right — as a pizza. You may see a separate blog on these in the future.

Go Topless

Cheeseless pizza. Sauceless pizza. (There’s even a thing called “crustless pizza,” but that’s not pizza, it’s an abomination. A casserole at best.) Pizzas can come with or without any number of ingredients. There’s one that literally has gold as a topping. It’s $2,000, so if you’ve got money to burn and a particular palate, dig in. Another pizza comes in bikini form. There are also varieties that accommodate vegan, gluten-free, and other diets. So, there’s no excuse for anyone not to like pizza!

Meet the Heat

Brick oven. Steel convection oven. Wood-fired. Coal-fired. The way a pizza is cooked has a big impact on its flavor. There are a lot of different cooking methods out there, and we haven’t found a bad one yet.

Ditch the Dessert

If you’ve eaten your pizza correctly, you won’t have any room for dessert. However, while your stomach’s full there’s still space in your lungs. The perfect follow-up to the perfect food is a delicious dessert vape. Consider the sweet caramel sensation of Devlin, the rich chocolate blend of Belgian Cocoa, or the robust chocolate coffee flavor of Café Mocha after your favorite pizza.

What are your plans for the coming weekend? May we suggest Netflix and ch … eese pizza? Don’t forget, National Cheese Pizza Day is Tuesday, September 5, so get out there and do your civic duty. We’re pizza lovers and we approve this message.


The opinions and other information contained in these blog posts and comments do not necessarily reflect the opinions or positions of Nicopure Labs LLC, owner of the Halo and Halo Cigs marks.

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Patrick Moody 66 posts

Patrick is overjoyed to be a professional storyteller, aka writer, as he’s terrible at math.

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